Christ Alone

CHRIST ALONE

Verse 1:

There’s a battle raging on for my soul

My hope is found in You Lord

My hope is found

Verse 2:

There’s a war that’s fighting now for control

I won’t let go of you Lord 

I won’t let go

Be honest… how many times have you felt these lyrics in your heart? Honestly, I feel like this is a song that is on every believer’s heart that is going through “it” right now. We tend to call “it” so many different things:

• The valley

• The darkest night of the soul

• Trials, troubles, and tribulations

• A season

I’m sure this list can go on and on with all the Christian lingo for pain, sorrow, and even temptation. 

I believe everyone who believes in God, or wants to believe has this song on their heart… in the midst of the battle for our soul, we are seeking and clinging to God even when we cannot see or feel Him working; WANTING and HOPING for Him to do what only He can do.

This song is like the last song of desperation when all hope seems lost — when everything is fighting for your attention, time, energy, money… your soul. Satan will do anything and everything to get your eyes off Christ and His Kingdom come. 

Well, this song is here as a help for all of us to say, sing, and proclaim, “You’re still providing for me…No, You’re not done with me yet!”

Story Behind the Song

The song was inspired by a lot of different music styles that are currently being tested and played in the Christian Music world… one song in particular — COUNT ‘EM by Brandon Lake. This song was also inspired by ONE specific teaching by Steffany Gretzinger that has WRECKED. MY. WORLD.

Teaching: WARNING LONG VIDEO

If you have the time, or can listen to this video during work… I STRONGLY encourage it! In this video, you will hear Steffany teach on “Jesus is the dream.” Since watching this video… my approach to life, music, and ministry has honestly been different. 

“Quit thinking about all the things He has called you to do and HE becomes the dream… All those things can be done without Him and it’s heartbreaking because it happens all the time. And we can get used to the evidence of His hand on our lives is stadiums. That the evidence of His hand on our lives is a room full of people singing songs that we’ve written. It’s NOT. Because He said, many will say to Me, “Lord, Lord” but not enter in.” - Steffany Gretzinger

Now, can I just say… Steffany Gretzinger is one of the most genuine artists I have witnessed from afar. After listening to incredible women like Steffany teach… I can BOLDLY proclaim, LET WOMEN PREACH. Steffany is like the Mother Teresa of modern-day Christian music haha. Her heart for the gospel and bringing people into the presence of God through worship is simply profound. 

NOW BEFORE I GO AND GET MYSELF CANCELED by all the men of the church for saying “let woman preach,” let me be clear on something (even though I should not have to)…

I boldly believe this: 

This is biblical. If you look into the context of scripture (remember friends, context is everything)… you will see that women are called (by Christ) to the Great Commission just as much as men. The biblical definition “to preach” is to declare and teach the truth of God’s Word and goodness — and praise be to His name. That definition… No that calling is to EVERY born again believer. Once saved, everyone should be preaching… not just a pastor. End of discussion. End of argument. End of story. End of unnecessary cancellations.

WITH THAT - I ALSO BELIEVE God has called MEN to lead and head up households and ministry. BUT that does not mean to exclude women or banish them to teach in children’s church or cook in the kitchen. Women are profound children of God who have powerful voices and impact on the kingdom of GOD. If you look into the context of scripture where it teaches “women should not do this and that” there is a situational background behind to it — it has less to do with gender and more to do with protecting and building up and the early church while also scolding the men who were not fulfilling their God-given role of leadership.

SO…when it comes to men and women in leadership… all I will say, there are those in leadership that need to eat a slice of humble pie (men and women alike). We need to remember that pride comes before the fall. We are better together. We are stronger together. We are all called to the Great Commission. Christ-centered leadership teams, biblically accurate theology, and humble hearts help build the church and fill heaven — not a gender or role. 

If you liked the sticker above, you can buy it here.

Let’s Get Personal

Why did Steffany Gretzinger’s teaching impact me on such a deep, soul-wrenching level? How did it impact this song? 

1. It’s biblical accurate and theologically sound. 

2. GOD spoke through Steffany to wake me up. 

3. Steffany spoke on a topic that was specific to my walk of life. 

Ever since I was in college, I chased after dreams bigger than I could ever imagine… but it was evident that God was in every step I was taking — so I pursued the dreams wholeheartedly. But, like any arrogant young man… I was impatient and I rushed the dream, I wanted it in my timing, way, order, everything. The dream was my calling. My calling was my dream. While I loved Jesus with all my heart… it became clear that the evidence of God’s blessings in my life was based on my success in my calling and my dream and NOT on my relationship with Jesus. 

Looking back… it makes sense why I fell apart. It makes sense how in 2016… everything was lining up for me with the music industry, but then it all disappeared. It makes sense how, no matter how much I tried to succeed with music, I “failed.” It makes sense how music exhausted me instead of bringing me life like it did before. It makes sense how I landed in a dark season of depression and anxiety.

God was saving me from myself. 

Now… before moving forward, I want to emphasize, did God want to sideline me, punish me, or hurt me? NO. But like any good parent, He could see five steps ahead of me. While I was just learning to run… I was only staring at my feet instead of the path in front of me — God was looking ahead and seeing the hazard lights and oncoming traffic. 

After releasing my EP in 2019, I walked away from artistry. I still loved God, but I was also furious — I didn’t get what I wanted when I wanted it and how I wanted it. So I gave him my ability on Sunday mornings as a worship leader, but that was it. My focus was completely out of whack. 

I now know and understand that if my focus, dream, and calling are focused on God… then it can’t be selfish. Truthfully, my anger and pain came from selfish ambition. If God allowed me to pursue my dreams and calling along with my selfish ambition following my college experience… my work would have been in vain. That is not to say God would not have spoken into the moments of my leading. Would not have moved in rooms where I lead. BUT… I would have become a leader who fell victim to “many will say to Me, “Lord, Lord” but not enter in.”

That is NOT what I want for my future. I do not want to be a lukewarm follower of Christ. I want to be ALL IN, ON FIRE, FULLY DEVOTED, AND SET APART FOR HEAVEN. 

God was teaching me to:

• Put Him first in my life.

• Seek Him and His Kingdom.

• Make being in His presence my dream. 

• Make my calling nothing more than the Great Commission… just with my skill set. 

• Trust Him, His timing, and His blessing. 

Christ Alone is the latest song I have written for the album… I wanted… no needed a song focused and centered on Jesus in the midst of the darkness, chaos, hurt, and confusion of life… and let me just say, I AM PUMPED for what was created! 

The original idea was written in August of this past year and I immediately sent it off my voice memo to three of the best songwriters I know — Ryky Legg, Jesse Phillips, and Adam Lavadiere knowing they’d be the perfect team to help me finish this song. Praise God, they liked the idea and we scheduled a co-write session.

One thing to know about me — I boldly live out the phrase, “You can’t do life alone,” in every aspect of my life… especially in music. I welcome the best of the best at my table who not only encourage, uplift, speak into, and hold me accountable… but also help me just the be the best I can be as I strive to be the man God has called me to be. Ryky, Jesse, and Adam are three men who do all these things in the realm of music and I am EXTREMELY grateful for them. 

During our co-writing session, I told Ryky, Jesse, and Adam I had three main goals for this song:

1. Christ had to be the center, focus, and goal. 

2. It had to be upbeat. 

3. It had to fit within the storyline of the album. 

And MANNNN did these men succeed at helping finish this song and accomplishing all these goals and more! 

Biblical Roots

2 Corinthians 5:7

Ephesians 6:12

Hope and Prayer for the Song

In my hurt… in my pain… in my confusion… in my depression… in my anxiety… I hope people can see and learn from me. I hope people can see me earnestly seek Christ alone. My prayer is that just as I discovered that CHRIST ALONE should be the center, dream, and focus, others will as well. 

God will let us fail (or even succeed and be miserable) until we realize no one will ever satisfied like He does.

REST

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REST 

How many people need to learn how to rest?  Cue the “What does that mean?” jokes…

One thing that wrecked me was when I heard “if Satan can’t make you sin, he’ll make you busy.” If you’re anything like me… it’s easy to fall into the busy trap. 

What happens when you’re busy? You stop praying… stop attending church events… stop serving… stop caring for your emotional and mental well-being. The list can go on and on… the bottom line you begin to crack from carrying too much. 

Story Behind the Song

I had the privilege to write with two incredible songwriters: Jesse Phillips and Adam LaVerdiere. Honestly… these are two of the most talented musicians, songwriters, and artists that I’ve worked with. I love their heart for God, worship, and overall creativity. 

Jesse, Adam and I wrote Rest in a session when none of us had anything to focus on for ourselves… so Rest song was not originally written for me or my album. It was actually written to be pitched to a church. But the more we worked on it, the more I felt drawn to the song. The more I felt like the song fit with my own album, written to tell the story of a lost soul running home… and in the process, he rediscovers God, himself, his calling, his passion, and joy.

Now, this doesn't mean that REST won’t be pitched to the church… In the music industry, the more people who record and release a song, the better it is for the songwriters. As one of the songwriters, I will just have the opportunity to be one of the first to release the song with the blessing of both Jesse and Adam.

But… why was I so attached to this song? 

If you know me… you know I am all about mental, emotional, relational, physical, and spiritual health. Well, what if I told you all 5 of those areas require rest?  You need mental rest, emotional rest, social rest, physical rest, and spiritual rest… beyond that, you need creative rest and sensory rest. 

I could discuss each of these areas in more detail… but I want to give that floor to Integris Health. Integris Health put out an amazing article about the different forms of rest and why we need all of them. As Integris Health describes, “Rest and sleep are two entirely different things. Sleep is one form of rest (physical) but there are six more! If you’ve ever found yourself in a state of exhaustion even though you’ve been getting plenty of sleep, chances are you’re depleted in another category of rest. In addition to physical rest, we also need mental, emotional, spiritual, creative, social and sensory rest.”1 I highly recommend reading this full article (click here - roughly 8 minute read)

My relationship with rest… 

From 2018-2021… it wasn’t good. Not only was I not able to rest… in all seven forms of rest. I also wasn’t getting good actual sleep. At the time I had horrible insomnia. When I did sleep, I would have horrible nightmares; so bad I would refuse to sleep at times. At one point I didn’t sleep for three days straight.

The issue is that we were not created to live on “the grind.” We are not superhuman - we’re not here to save the day, every day. The constant grind of mental, emotional, social, physical, spiritual, creative, and sensory wheels will only lead to complete and utter burnout — which I experienced on the most extreme level.

Learning how to rest again was part of my healing process. 

When I started counseling with Anxiety Center, I had the inability to rest. Sounds weird… but true. If I wasn’t working on something, I felt useless or that I was like I was about to go insane. Stacey (my counselor) had to teach me how to stop and rest. I had been going full throttle for so long, I had no clue how to stop. If I attempted to rest, it sparked anxiety attacks. So I kept myself busy at all times, in all areas of my life. 

I will never forget Stacey asking me, “What are you doing?! You’re not Superman!” 

My DAILY assignment was to rest for one hour. During that hour, my phone was turned off. I was not allowed on my computer. I was not allowed to be at the church. I was only allowed to do things that brought peace to my mind and into God’s presence. 

For me… that included hammocking and listening to music or the birds, learning how to fingerpick on my guitar, gardening, or traveling up to a local mountain overlook where I intentionally seek out God. It’s funny because, in these areas of rest, I was still doing something. But if you knew me before, it was like I fell off the face of the earth.

Stacey introduced versions of rest where I was still able to get my eyes off the darkness, my anxiety in control, and my eyes back on what truly mattered. Slowly, but surely… peace and rest back to my soul. It honestly took weeks… but introducing/forcing this practice of rest eventually led to me being able to sleep at night as well. 

I once preferred the hustle/grind/get-r-done culture. But now I see how that impacted my life mentally, emotionally, physically, relationally, and most importantly… spiritually. Honestly, the negative side effects of this fast-paced culture just aren’t worth it.

I now prefer a laid-back, slow-paced, it-is-what-it-is approach to life. 

Why?

• If I die tomorrow (while I know I am very much loved), my role at church will be replaced within a few weeks. 

• I’m not Superman. God has blessed me with multiple talents, but that doesn’t mean I am meant to do everything. 

• My wife deserves this type of man. A man who pursues peace, love, joy, being content, happy… for me that all stems from resting, especially in the presence of my Savior.

• Life is moving too fast. I feel like I was just in elementary school and now I am somehow 30 years old with a *beautiful* wife who keeps asking me when she can have babies… LIKE GIRL. I still feel like a teenager! I’m not about to be on a series of Teen Mom with you (bring in all the jokes… I know I’m going to be 80 when my kids are in college)! Haha ok ok… but seriously, I want to slow down and enjoy life, especially before me and Elle have kids. 

• We are biblically called to rest. I want to live my life as a biblical example… and quite honestly, Christians living out the grind culture fail at this unknowingly — I know because I was one! 

Sabbath 

Do you know what the Sabbath means? Josh Brower explains, “Sabbath, in the original language, means: to pause, to cease, or to rest. The word “holy” means: separate, set apart, or different. So, the literal meaning is to separate one of our days each week for pausing activity and resting.”2

Exodus 20:8-11 “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates. For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

What is your Sabbath?

I know this is something my wife and I are still trying to figure out… As a musician, worship leader, pastor, and a nurse… our household is constantly on the go — even with the “laid-back, slow-paced, it-is-what-it-is” approach mindset!

For Elle and I… we try to take a day where we choose to NOT cook or clean. We focus on filling each other’s love tanks. We focus on anything and everything that revolves around REST and glorifying God. Now I will be the first to admit that we do not always succeed at this. Satan is always in the details… remember, “…if Satan can make you busy…” 

Some people may consider rest as lazy… I consider my lifeline. If I don’t rest, I could easily fall back into my depression and anxiety. I refuse to go back to that place by all means necessary. I know my boundaries, my lines, and tools necessary to fulfill my calling and survive… Do you?

The key is to be intentional. You cannot afford to NOT rest. 

Biblical Roots

Psalm 46:10 — “He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.”

Matthew 11:28-30 — “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. [29] Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. [30] For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Hope and Prayer for the Song

The hustle is honestly one of the key factors that is driving the depression and anxiety rates we are seeing in our culture today. I fell into the trap of always working… from the second I woke up, to right before bed. I cannot stress enough how NOT normal and how NOT okay this is. I am not saying it’s not okay to be busy — that’s unrealistic. But our lives need to be balanced. We need daily rest. We need vacations. We NEED to be setting ourselves apart from the grind of this world, otherwise, we will be burnt out to the highest extreme.

My hope and prayer — that people learn to rest and be in the presence of God again. He is waiting for us to enter in. 

_____

David: “Is this good *shows blog to wife*?”

Elle: “*edits while reading* For now. I feel like rest could be a full book from you… but this is good for now!”

David: “…ha. Well ok then!” 

1. “The Seven Forms of Rest and Why You Need All of Them.” Integris Health, integrisok.com/resources/on-your-health/2023/july/the-seven-forms-of-rest-and-why-you-need-all-of-them.

2. Brower, Josh. “Why You Should Take a Vacation Even If You Can’t.” Finds.Life.Church, 19 July 2023, finds.life.church/take-vacation-even-cant/.

For the Good

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FOR THE GOOD

Man… I don’t know how I can go from saying, “I am particularly fond of this song” with NOT NO MORE, then immediately move onto FOR THE GOOD. I mean… these songs wrecked my world in the most amazing way when it comes to my relationship with God and diving back into the world of songwriting.

Story Behind the Song

After my therapist at the Anxiety Centre strongly encouraged me to write, it didn’t take long for me to feel a connection to craft again. I know in my heart, whether it’s songs, blogs, sermons, or maybe someday books… writing is a major part of my calling in life; it’s what God created me to do. I find passion in writing that most people find in sports. I get excited about researching and mocking up plans, unlike most people.

When I took 2.5 years off of writing, I spiraled. I refused to write or research anything unless it was required for work (see last blog to understand why). During and after writing Not No More, I felt a hunger for writing and community unlike I’ve ever felt before. The feeling was so deep, it was as if God was telling me, “I’m calling you to go down this path. This path leads to healing for you and others. If you choose to avoid this path, you are choosing to stay in pain and darkness.” 

So I had a choice. Rejection of God and His plans for my life that leads to depression, or submission. I chose to submit and dive deeper, not only in my craft but in my relationship with Christ. 

Almost immediately, I started getting ads on all my social media platforms for different songwriting programs, camps, schools, etc. To this day, it blows my mind. I get that our devices are always listening… but this was next-level bizarre for me. 

(Insert The Songwriter’s Advocate — TSA) 

TSA was one of the ads that came up on Facebook, but it was also all over multiple worship leader groups I was a part of… so I was intrigued, applied, and got accepted. TSA was an online school for songwriters and worship leaders, created by Matt Stinton. The school taught and gave insight into the songwriting process, how to evaluate your songs and more. The school was set up more like a college intensive; it was a 6-week class, a one-week 2-hour lecture with class feedback/interaction, and then a songwriting assignment. Based on what you paid for, you could have additional meetings during the week with Matt or his co-leaders to evaluate your songs. 

Unfortunately, TSA is not around today… but I would have recommended every worship leader and songwriter to attend this school if they were wanting to grow in their songwriting abilities. The Songwriter’s Advocate changed my life… now, mind you, I have a degree in artistry and songwriting… but I took a few years off. So when I entered TSA, I not only had songwriter’s block, but I was also nervous and ready to throw in the towel at any moment. I was still recovering from my anger with God, depression, and anxiety. Matt and his team at TSA helped me rediscover my heart and calling within songwriting. Healing took place for me at this school.

I am so incredibly grateful for Matt Stinton and his team at The Songwriter’s Advocate! I hope and wish this online school returns someday… But I am excited to see where everyone on the leadership team is at today.

THE ASSIGNMENT

So if you didn’t guess it already… For the Good is a song that came out of a TSA assignment. An odd one at that! For the assignment, we were given multiple obscure phrases… we had to choose one (or all) and write a song with it. The phrase I chose was “Lord willing and the creek don't rise.”

To say this assignment irritated me would be an understatement. I attempted writing 4-5 different verses and courses with the phrase before I finally broke down crying because nothing worked… I stopped and just prayed. I remember this moment vividly. “God, why did you bring me to this moment? Why am I doing this? I was given lyrics and I can’t even write with them. I’m not a writer anymore, can you just accept that?”

I remember peace coming over my anxious body… a stillness; as if God was saying, “It’s about time you came to me. You’re stubborn you know? Try again, but with me this time.” 

The first lyrics out of my mouth were:

“Maybe it’s okay that I’m not okay, You’re still God and You’re good.” 

That ended up being the main focus of the chorus. And I love it. It’s a message people need to hear.

I also love the verses… verse one going like this:

“You know I don’t wanna be here

when the darkness sets in 

and my mind grows weary

My spirit it goes anxious

Crazy, chaos, hazy, Lord

I don’t wanna let the doubt creep in

Where I question Your will and plans for me                    

So if Your willing and the creek don’t rise 

You’ll take this cup from me”

For the Good has become one of my most treasured songs. Is it perfect no — no song ever is, not even the songs that are already released and playing on the radio! Just ask any artist, they listen back and hear things they wish they did differently before releasing. 

BUT - For the Good was part of the foundation of re-entering the music world. For The Good is another example of how my season changed my music style. For the Good the perfect example of how I view the trials of this life now… 

Biblical Roots

Romans 8:28 “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

James 1:2-4 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

My Thoughts

As I wrap up this blog I am SO excited for you to hear the FINAL version of For the God! BUT I have one question for you… do you struggle with depression? I want you to know you are not alone. Know this: 

Ephesians 6:12 “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

I will NEVER be someone who demeans your struggles are what you are going/have been through — that has happened to me and it hurt immensely. But I want to lovingly say this, depression is rooted in rejection. Depression sinks its roots deep when you reject the truth, peace, light, love, and most importantly… God. Depression is very much so a real thing, but it is a result of not paying attention to your actions. Anxiety comes before depression and it is your body's way of telling you something is out of whack, out of focus, out of order. 

So here is my challenge for you, as someone who was once diagnosed (and identified) with chronic depression and anxiety… get your eyes OFF the darkness and self-help and back onto God and His kingdom God. He will show up, He will speak, He will move, He will heal, and He will do more than you could ever imagine… but you have to be willing to surrender. 

Hope and Prayer for the Song

I know there are so many people struggling… financially, physically, mentally, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually… this side of heaven is NOT easy, I won’t lie and say it is. 

I heard a quote recently that said, “This is either the closest to heaven you will ever get or the closest to hell you will ever get. But what comes next doesn't compare to here either way…” 

My hope and prayer for this song is that people will STOP cherry-coating their lives and the gospel, pretending like they need to be perfect before God and the church. It is OKAY to NOT be OKAY. Let me repeat that. It is OKAY to NOT be OKAY. It’s OKAY to have a THERAPIST and JESUS too! I HIGHLY recommend https://www.anxietycentre.com if you need counseling!  It’s okay to not be okay, but it’s NOT okay to stay there. Part of having a great testimony is actively taking the next steps in the faith journey. Stepping out of the boat and trusting Jesus. 

Will you trust Jesus today? 

Original version of For the Good — from The Songwriter’s Advocate assignment:

Not No More

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NOT NO MORE

I’m particularly fond of this song; it’s melodically different than anything I’ve ever done and set the tone for my entire album. 

First things first… I AM AWARE that the lyrics “Not No More” are not grammatically correct. When attempting to fix the lyrics, both by myself and with co-writers, it became clear that these were the lyrics meant for the song. The lyrics fit the style in which the song was written… so before the grammar police come after me, know that the lyrics are very much intentional haha. 

Story Behind the Song

Just a heads up… this will be a longer blog with more testimony behind the project.

I released my first EP in the spring of 2019. Looking back, that was an amazing experience, but I would probably erase that time in my life if it were possible (for personal reasons). The EP was filled with songs that I wrote in college. I was excited… overly excited for this release. One of the songs was actually signed by THREE different Christian music publishers who individually and collectively pumped me up, encouraged me, and sought to help me in my music career (unfortunately that never went anywhere but I am thankful for that experience!). The EP is still available on all streaming platforms today if anyone wants to listen. 

When I released the Are You Ready EP, I had not written a song since early 2018. I had critiqued the songs here and there before recording… but I stopped writing in 2018.

What Happened? 

I graduated from Liberty University in 2016. When I graduated, I truly didn’t know what my next step was so I pursued my Master's degree in Theology and Christian Ministry — I chose this path so when I wrote songs, blogs, or even books… I knew everything was theologically rich and biblically structured to the best of my abilities. My goal was and still is to lead people to Jesus through a biblical understanding and practice of worship. 

While completing my Master’s degree in 2019, I was also balancing full-time ministry, friendships, church hurt, an EP, and a very serious relationship. I was burnt out, ran over, and just exhausted.

Church became more of a chore as I was pulling pieces together from church hurt that was committed… My friendships became estranged so I isolated myself. I forced an EP when I should have put it on pause to focus on other areas of my life. My serious relationship started to fall apart. Three months away from graduation I was emailing professors telling them I was dropping out (by the grace of God, they worked with me and I stayed enrolled and graduated). Simply put, my life could be summed up as “complete and utter chaos… but trying.” 

I will never forget the phrase, “David, I miss your smile. You need to smile more!” From an elderly lady in my church. You see, I was always known for my smile… I was always told it lit up and warmed a room. But in 2019, my smile disappeared, my world went dark, my foundation started to crack… It was never, “David, I noticed you’re not smiling anymore… are you ok?” it was, “David you need to smile more… make us feel good.” Was that what was meant? I do not believe that at all; But my soul was crushed and darkness started to set in. 

My darkness was heavy. I could not work more than 15 minutes at a time before mentally breaking down and needing to walk to a different project. I’d have 3-4 anxiety attacks a day. I had insomnia at night. I had the worst dreams when I did sleep. Relationships were falling apart left and right. It felt like no one cared. It felt like God didn’t care. I felt alone. I felt complete and utter darkness.

I never questioned God’s existence, but I questioned His goodness during this season. I yelled, I cussed, and questioned God… He gave me the space, knowing I would run to Him when I was willing to sit, listen, and dwell in His presence. 

In the fall of 2019, I finally broke down — it was either I sought out professional help or things weren’t going to end well. I sought counseling and was diagnosed with chronic depression and anxiety. In March 2020, I switched over to anxietycentre.com and found an incredible counselor (Stacey) who helped me rediscover myself, my calling, and God. 

What does this have to do with NOT NO MORE?

Great question! Stacey quickly discovered that I had been refusing to write. In fact, I refused to write for about 2.5 years by the time Stacey and I met. Enjoy the interaction between my counselor and me below (give Stacey a cool Canadian accent for the genuine effect of this conversation: 

Stacey: “David, what do you believe your calling in life is? When do you feel most connected to God?” 

David: “My calling? Songwriting… writing and leading… I feel most connected to God when I and writing.” 

Stacey: “Oh I see. Well, there’s our problem. You’re the problem.”

David: “Excuse me?”

Stacey: “When was the last time you wrote?”

David: “Um, about 2.5 years.”

Stacey: “So you’re telling me that you were created to write, but refuse to write. You feel closest to God when you write, but you refuse to write… therefore you’re refusing to meet with God in the garden He’s prepared for you. You’re mad, yelling at God for not meeting with you when He’s given you all the tools to meet with Him. You give Him the stage on Sunday morning, but are too mad to pick up your guitar and sing throughout the week?

David: “I… uh…”

Stacey: “Alright, so here’s what we’re going to do. You’re assignment this week is to pick up your guitar, not for church, but to write. You are to write a song this week and meet with God.”

David: “No. Absolutely not. I’m not doing that.”

Stacey: “David, you are preventing your own healing. You know what you were created for, yet you are refusing to do it. You are allowing the darkness to overtake your life, and because of it, it is going to take time to unpack and heal from. Let me be clear, my job is to help you, but if you aren’t going to help you then I’m not meeting with you.”

David: “I… uh… but…” 

Stacey: “If you do not write this week, I will not be meeting with you again. Eyes off the darkness, eyes back on God.” 

David: “Ok.” 

I don’t think I have ever received a tougher love from a complete stranger. To be clear, Stacey spoke assertively, but with compassion and gentleness; he did not demean or criticize me — he just wanted to see me on the path to being healthy again. All because he cared. All because he SAW the issue and was committed to the scales falling off my eyes and helping me heal. I am eternally grateful for Stacey and Anxiety Centre. AND thanks to Stacey, I am no longer depressed or anxious… that darkness is not my identity.

Well, I DID write that week as assigned… 

In fact… I bawled my way through the writing session because I felt God’s presence heavier than I ever felt in my entire life. 

The song… Not No More. 

Not No More is a slave anthem for freedom. 

Now for reference, you are hearing original RAW audio. RAW audio is not tweaked or polished in any way. You may hear slurred lyrics but for reference… I was crying my eyes out when writing this haha. COVER VIDEO coming soon.

Biblical Roots

Romans 8:15-16

“15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” 16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God,”

Galatians 4:7

7 So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.

Hope and Prayer for the Song

As I was writing this song, I was writing with the future in mind… knowing I held the keys to victory through Jesus Christ. I knew depression and anxiety were NOT going to win in my life. I was NOT going to give depression and anxiety more power than I already did. I wrote a song declaring, “Say goodbye to what used to be, say hello to this brand new me,  the old is dead and gone, my life has just begun.”

The bridge switches make are quick switch from being a personal declaration to being an invitation to others to join in. In fact… if you ever watched Hunger Games when Katniss Everdeen is singing Hanging Tree… that is how I picture this song evolving. As the song builds, more and more people join in. 

That picture is the hope and prayer for the song. That people are able to join in with the anthem and declare it over their lives. 

Care For Me INTRODUCTION

Last week I posted a campaign poll and was shocked with the results. Across my different social platforms, I asked the following questions:

What do YOU want to see? What would YOU share? COMMENT your answer below.

1. Cover Videos / Album Sneak Peek Videos

2. Devotions/blogs on the topics of the album: depression, anxiety, and faith. 

3. Podcast. 

Surprisingly, the poll ended with a three-way tie on all platforms, with messages from people asking for specific topics, and songs. While I DID plan on covering all areas to some degree, I was not expecting these responses. But I am excited because it shows what you all want and would share as I create. 

SO I am beginning this process with the blog. 

But honestly, this is surreal to me…

For those of you who may not know, I started and led a three-year-long online ministry called Worship Exposed. Worship Exposed was dedicated to challenging Christ-followers to capture a lifestyle of biblical worship. I created this ministry in college with some of my friends, and it was one of my greatest passions. We came up with a series and series topics, then had weekly articles. Everything we posted was thoroughly researched, reviewed, and edited before being posted for the integrity of reaching people for Christ and ensuring people understood what true biblical worship was.

Worship Exposed ran from 2015-2017. The only reason Worship Exposed ended was because all of those who were involved in the leadership, writing, and editing were now involved in full-time ministry, getting married, starting families… life was getting busy, and Worship Exposed was just a passion we did on the side with no income. It was either stop or get incredibly burnt out.

Since Worship Exposed came to an end, I’ve only written papers for my master’s degree, sermons, social media posts, and four lone blogs on my personal website. 

So yeah… this is surreal to me. 

As I write, I feel like I am writing for Worship Exposed. It feels… good, different, but good. I’ve missed writing like this. 

But I digress. 

CARE FOR ME Blog Series

Let’s talk about this blog series you all VOTED FOR!

Over the next few weeks, I am going to write an article that covers multiple songs in the project I am currently working on. The article will cover the story behind the song, the biblical roots, the hope and prayer for the song, devotion to the song topic, a snippet of the original voice memo when writing, AND an acoustic cover video. 

Now it is important to note that I experienced deep valleys of depression and anxiety, and my faith — so the articles I write will relate to these seasons. Honesty… without it, there would be no album because these new songs are songs of prayer, desperation, and joy out of those seasons. Do I want to go through everything I went through again? No. Do I want anyone else to go through what I went through? Absolutely not. My goal is to help people turn their eyes off their darkness, off this world, and back to Jesus and our eternal promise in heaven. I am thankful I had that love and support and I want to be that for others. Jesus is the goal. 

10/16/22: