Not No More
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NOT NO MORE
I’m particularly fond of this song; it’s melodically different than anything I’ve ever done and set the tone for my entire album.
First things first… I AM AWARE that the lyrics “Not No More” are not grammatically correct. When attempting to fix the lyrics, both by myself and with co-writers, it became clear that these were the lyrics meant for the song. The lyrics fit the style in which the song was written… so before the grammar police come after me, know that the lyrics are very much intentional haha.
Story Behind the Song
Just a heads up… this will be a longer blog with more testimony behind the project.
I released my first EP in the spring of 2019. Looking back, that was an amazing experience, but I would probably erase that time in my life if it were possible (for personal reasons). The EP was filled with songs that I wrote in college. I was excited… overly excited for this release. One of the songs was actually signed by THREE different Christian music publishers who individually and collectively pumped me up, encouraged me, and sought to help me in my music career (unfortunately that never went anywhere but I am thankful for that experience!). The EP is still available on all streaming platforms today if anyone wants to listen.
When I released the Are You Ready EP, I had not written a song since early 2018. I had critiqued the songs here and there before recording… but I stopped writing in 2018.
What Happened?
I graduated from Liberty University in 2016. When I graduated, I truly didn’t know what my next step was so I pursued my Master's degree in Theology and Christian Ministry — I chose this path so when I wrote songs, blogs, or even books… I knew everything was theologically rich and biblically structured to the best of my abilities. My goal was and still is to lead people to Jesus through a biblical understanding and practice of worship.
While completing my Master’s degree in 2019, I was also balancing full-time ministry, friendships, church hurt, an EP, and a very serious relationship. I was burnt out, ran over, and just exhausted.
Church became more of a chore as I was pulling pieces together from church hurt that was committed… My friendships became estranged so I isolated myself. I forced an EP when I should have put it on pause to focus on other areas of my life. My serious relationship started to fall apart. Three months away from graduation I was emailing professors telling them I was dropping out (by the grace of God, they worked with me and I stayed enrolled and graduated). Simply put, my life could be summed up as “complete and utter chaos… but trying.”
I will never forget the phrase, “David, I miss your smile. You need to smile more!” From an elderly lady in my church. You see, I was always known for my smile… I was always told it lit up and warmed a room. But in 2019, my smile disappeared, my world went dark, my foundation started to crack… It was never, “David, I noticed you’re not smiling anymore… are you ok?” it was, “David you need to smile more… make us feel good.” Was that what was meant? I do not believe that at all; But my soul was crushed and darkness started to set in.
My darkness was heavy. I could not work more than 15 minutes at a time before mentally breaking down and needing to walk to a different project. I’d have 3-4 anxiety attacks a day. I had insomnia at night. I had the worst dreams when I did sleep. Relationships were falling apart left and right. It felt like no one cared. It felt like God didn’t care. I felt alone. I felt complete and utter darkness.
I never questioned God’s existence, but I questioned His goodness during this season. I yelled, I cussed, and questioned God… He gave me the space, knowing I would run to Him when I was willing to sit, listen, and dwell in His presence.
In the fall of 2019, I finally broke down — it was either I sought out professional help or things weren’t going to end well. I sought counseling and was diagnosed with chronic depression and anxiety. In March 2020, I switched over to anxietycentre.com and found an incredible counselor (Stacey) who helped me rediscover myself, my calling, and God.
What does this have to do with NOT NO MORE?
Great question! Stacey quickly discovered that I had been refusing to write. In fact, I refused to write for about 2.5 years by the time Stacey and I met. Enjoy the interaction between my counselor and me below (give Stacey a cool Canadian accent for the genuine effect of this conversation:
Stacey: “David, what do you believe your calling in life is? When do you feel most connected to God?”
David: “My calling? Songwriting… writing and leading… I feel most connected to God when I and writing.”
Stacey: “Oh I see. Well, there’s our problem. You’re the problem.”
David: “Excuse me?”
Stacey: “When was the last time you wrote?”
David: “Um, about 2.5 years.”
Stacey: “So you’re telling me that you were created to write, but refuse to write. You feel closest to God when you write, but you refuse to write… therefore you’re refusing to meet with God in the garden He’s prepared for you. You’re mad, yelling at God for not meeting with you when He’s given you all the tools to meet with Him. You give Him the stage on Sunday morning, but are too mad to pick up your guitar and sing throughout the week?
David: “I… uh…”
Stacey: “Alright, so here’s what we’re going to do. You’re assignment this week is to pick up your guitar, not for church, but to write. You are to write a song this week and meet with God.”
David: “No. Absolutely not. I’m not doing that.”
Stacey: “David, you are preventing your own healing. You know what you were created for, yet you are refusing to do it. You are allowing the darkness to overtake your life, and because of it, it is going to take time to unpack and heal from. Let me be clear, my job is to help you, but if you aren’t going to help you then I’m not meeting with you.”
David: “I… uh… but…”
Stacey: “If you do not write this week, I will not be meeting with you again. Eyes off the darkness, eyes back on God.”
David: “Ok.”
I don’t think I have ever received a tougher love from a complete stranger. To be clear, Stacey spoke assertively, but with compassion and gentleness; he did not demean or criticize me — he just wanted to see me on the path to being healthy again. All because he cared. All because he SAW the issue and was committed to the scales falling off my eyes and helping me heal. I am eternally grateful for Stacey and Anxiety Centre. AND thanks to Stacey, I am no longer depressed or anxious… that darkness is not my identity.
Well, I DID write that week as assigned…
In fact… I bawled my way through the writing session because I felt God’s presence heavier than I ever felt in my entire life.
The song… Not No More.
Not No More is a slave anthem for freedom.
Now for reference, you are hearing original RAW audio. RAW audio is not tweaked or polished in any way. You may hear slurred lyrics but for reference… I was crying my eyes out when writing this haha. COVER VIDEO coming soon.
Biblical Roots
Romans 8:15-16
“15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” 16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God,”
Galatians 4:7
7 So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.
Hope and Prayer for the Song
As I was writing this song, I was writing with the future in mind… knowing I held the keys to victory through Jesus Christ. I knew depression and anxiety were NOT going to win in my life. I was NOT going to give depression and anxiety more power than I already did. I wrote a song declaring, “Say goodbye to what used to be, say hello to this brand new me, the old is dead and gone, my life has just begun.”
The bridge switches make are quick switch from being a personal declaration to being an invitation to others to join in. In fact… if you ever watched Hunger Games when Katniss Everdeen is singing Hanging Tree… that is how I picture this song evolving. As the song builds, more and more people join in.
That picture is the hope and prayer for the song. That people are able to join in with the anthem and declare it over their lives.